Court Case
Let the first party, hereafter known as Party One, make their claim against the second party, hereafter known as Party Two, on the aforementioned date and in compliance with all applicable regulations and requirements regarding such claims. In the event of a hurricane, these proceedings shall all be rendered invisible. While the clock does keep ticking, the proceedings will proceed unhindered and with full support of all Parties who are a party to this event.
On the 60th day after the beginning of these proceedings, we shall temporarily suspend proceedings in the interest of the first recess of the session. This recess shall be no shorter than 4 hours, and no longer than 97 hours. If inclement weather shall force the recess to be observed indoors, the gymnasium will be reserved for the sole purpose of recess observance. Any individual or group who does not fully endorse the recess shall be fined and/or imprisoned, at the discretion of the presiding judge at that time.
In the event of spontaneous singing from either the prosecution or defense, an early recess may be declared in order to clear the chambers. This early recess can replace the regularly scheduled recess if it is agreed upon by all parties. If agreement cannot be reached, the aforementioned recess will take place as planned, at the risk of over-recessing the court. Other events which may allow an early recess to be called include the following: bee swarms; foot itch; wrinkled shirts; The Apocalypse; general drunkenness; pointy things. This list is not intended to be inclusive, and other events may be added at any time for any reason.
Sandwiches are not allowed in the courtroom.
Upon the conclusion of these proceedings, all transcripts will be duplicated and disseminated to all involved parties. For the low, low price of only $19.95 per copy, these transcripts can be bound in the finest faux leather binding with a foreword by award-winning actor William Shatner. Anyone wishing to place an order for this premium copy of the transcripts must submit their payment to the presiding judge no later than 7 days before the conclusion of these proceedings. Any late orders may not be fulfilled. The judge may substitute Girl Scout Cookies (of any variety) in place of premium transcripts, for any reason.