Congratulations on the purchase of this fine paperback book product. Although the cover may be floppier than the hardcover edition, we guarantee the content to be at least 90% identical. If the content identicality should ever fall below our 90% guarantee and we determine it to be the book’s fault, you will receive a brand new orange. Yum!

Please do not take this book into space. Correct operation of all the pages cannot be guaranteed if the book is ever removed from the surface of the planet. Preliminary experiments in outer space have shown that the type has a tendency to blur, and also to sometimes shoot laser beams at your eyes when you try to read it. The earlier identicality guarantee will become null and void if the book ever is taken into space.

Now, we make no promises that the book won’t try to shoot laser beams at your eyeballs under normal use on Earth. However, this is highly unlikely. In fact, less than one-third of the people who purchase our paperback books ever send us the Claim for Refund Due to Laser Beam Injuries form. Sure, we’ve gotten a few phone calls complaining about how forcing people who might have vision injuries to fill out 10 pages of paperwork isn’t exactly fair, but luckily those don’t count and we aren’t required to report those to the Book Safety Assocation. So, I can say with confidence that you probably won’t have laserbeams shot at you when you try to read this book.

And anyway, I’ve found that if you practice enough it becomes really hard for the book to hit you. Get some evasive bobbing and weaving action going, and some good sunglasses, and you’ll be able to escape the occasional laser blast relatively unscathed. Or, at least, with about 90% of your original parts and functionality. This isn’t a guarantee, though, since this is highly dependent on your abilities as a laserdodger. On second thought, don’t worry about it. You’ll be fine.

Do not attempt to eat this book.

Once again, thank you for your purchase of our fine book-like product. Please contact us if you have any other questions or concerns.

This entry was posted on Monday, May 23rd, 2005 at 2:03 am and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.