Venusyard
I once tried to move Venus into my backyard. It turns out that although it’s a tiny little thing up in the sky, that’s only because it’s really far away. If you bring it into your backyard, it looks much bigger because it’s closer.
It turns out that I couldn’t even fit the whole planet into my backyard, which is saying something. I mean, I have a pretty big backyard. Apparently not as big as a planet, though. Who knew.
I wonder if I’ll need to disclose that if I ever try to sell the house. “NOTE: Although the backyard may appear quite spacious, it will not accomodate even a small planet from our solar system. Please keep this in mind when you make an offer on the property, and carefully reference the plot dimensions to ensure that they will meet your planetary needs.”
Anyway, I wound up cutting a small piece off of Venus and keeping that in my backyard for now, although it’s really no substitute for the real thing. I think I put the planet back where I found it, but if things don’t look quite right in the sky, that might be my fault. Sorry. I thought I’d be able to keep it in on my lawn, so I didn’t pay that much attention to where it was living before I stole it.
If I’ve messed up anyone’s astrology or caused some other planet to crash into the Earth in 2000 years because of orbital irregularities, well, oops. Sorry. My bad.