Exapixel
Forget megapixels. Forget gigapixels. We’ll skip right over terapixels and whatever else is in there. My fancy new exapixel camera is the coolest, pixeliest camera ever. A full 1.4 exapixels of resolution all on a 1mm sensor.
Sure, the noise levels are through the roof. Do cameras have roofs? Probably not. I don’t know what the noise levels go through, then, but I’d expect that it’s something at the top of the camera. Don’t let that stop you from giving me hundreds of thousands of dollars for this camera, though. I’m sure that’ll all be cleared up in a firmware updates in a few months. What, why do you find that hard to believe? Your lack of faith in my magic firmware is disturbing.
Battery life should also be improved in the near future. However, at the moment even a cheap no-name car battery can provide enough power to take four or five pictures (without flash). Load up a few of those in a small cart or wheelbarrow, and you’ll be taking up to 20 or 30 pictures in a single outing!
For your convenience, we use a powerful proprietary compression scheme to make the exapixel images manageable. Storage technology has not kept up with our resolution technology, so to make exapixel photographs practical, we were forced to come up with a compression algorithm that can store the full resolution in a file as little as 100k. Compression artifacts are virtually invisible if the image is printed at 1″ along its longest dimension. Unfortunately, these compression artifacts will be visible at larger print sizes, so at the moment we recommend printing these images at stamp-sized prints, but no larger. Once again, we are certain that compression artifacts will be reduced in a future firmware update.
Anyway, don’t worry about all those issues. Exapixel! How can you resist? Don’t resist! Just send me money! Thank you.