Crazy Pony and Highlighter
Currently in post-production for visual effects work, and coming soon to a theater near you, here’s the movie script for Crazy Pony and Highlighter.
FADE IN:
INT. PADDED ROOM
It's a padded room. You can tell because of all the padding
on the walls.
Sitting inside the padded room are a PONY and a BLUE
HIGHLIGHTER. They're staring at each other. Neither blinks.
PONY
Did you hear the one about the
pony?
BLUE HIGHLIGHTER
No, I don't think I did. Oh wait.
Of course I heard that one.
PONY
How about the one about the blue
highlighter?
BLUE HIGHLIGHTER
I heard that one a few minutes ago.
That's a good one, though. Is that
the one with the newspapers?
PONY
No.
BLUE HIGHLIGHTER
The legal pad?
PONY
No.
BLUE HIGHLIGHTER
The newspapers?
PONY
No.
BLUE HIGHLIGHTER
Hmm, maybe I didn't really hear
that one. Go ahead and tell it.
PONY
I don't know it. I was hoping you
did. I only know the one with the
newspapers.
BLUE HIGHLIGHTER
This isn't quite as exciting as I
was hoping.
PONY
What were you expecting, some kind
of storytime of awesomeness?
BLUE HIGHLIGHTER
No. I don't need that. Just maybe
20 or 30 different blue highlighter
stories.
The blue highlighter pauses, on the verge of coming up with
something profound. Eventually...
BLUE HIGHLIGHTER
Man cannot live on blue
highlighters and newspapers alone.
Man needs blue highlighters
swimming in the ocean, or blue
highlighters making collect calls.
That kind of thing. Man can live
on those.
The pony considers this for a little while.
PONY
Did you hear the one about the
pony? He sometimes made collect
calls.
BLUE HIGHLIGHTER
Really? Real honest collect calls?
PONY
Well, no. Fake ones. Ponies
aren't big fans of real collect
calls, for obvious reasons.
BLUE HIGHLIGHTER
Did you ever hear the story about
the blue highlighter that rode a
Chinese whale all the way to
safety?
PONY
Safety from what?
BLUE HIGHLIGHTER
Other Chinese whales, I think. I'm
not sure. I never heard that one.
PONY
Why would a Chinese whale save the
highlighter from other Chinese
whales? Wouldn't they all team up
and eat the highlighter?
BLUE HIGHLIGHTER
I think the highlighter bribed that
whale. Or maybe it was a good
whale in a sea of evil whales.
(beat)
Get it? A sea?
PONY
No.
BLUE HIGHLIGHTER
Me either.
PONY
What's a whale?
BLUE HIGHLIGHTER
It's like a really big pony, but
without legs.
PONY
I like that. Sounds like a cool
dude.
BLUE HIGHLIGHTER
I don't think they're dudes.
PONY
All ponies are dudes, dude. Don't
you know anything about ponies?
BLUE HIGHLIGHTER
But it's not a pony, it's just kind
of like a pony.
PONY
So I guess it's kind of like a
dude. I don't think I like whales
any more, they're a lot more
confusing than I was expecting.
BLUE HIGHLIGHTER
But Chinese whales sometimes save
highlighters. That should be
enough to make anyone like them.
PONY
Not me. I don't like them. Not at
all.
BLUE HIGHLIGHTER
I think all ponies like whales. I
don't think you get a choice.
PONY
Oh. That makes me a sad pony.
BLUE HIGHLIGHTER
Yeah, me too. I'm a sad pony also.
PONY
You can't be a sad pony.
BLUE HIGHLIGHTER
Ok, ok. I'm a happy pony.
PONY
Better. Thanks.
The pony takes a few bites out of the padded walls.
PONY
Ooh, tastes like marshmallow.
BLUE HIGHLIGHTER
Nice. I'm having me some
marshmallow too.
The blue highlighter tries to take a bite out of the walls,
but only ends up highlighting part of them in blue.
PONY
Wow, you're not very good at
eating, are you?
BLUE HIGHLIGHTER
I guess not. Am I missing out on
anything important?
PONY
Just marshmallows.
BLUE HIGHLIGHTER
Do I like marshmallows?
PONY
I'd say they're even better than
whales.
BLUE HIGHLIGHTER
You're biased. You don't like
whales to begin with. How can you
compare marshmallows to whales when
you're so prejudiced against
whales?
PONY
I can compare marshmallows to
anything. All ponies can. Don't
you know anything about ponies?
BLUE HIGHLIGHTER
I know I'm a happy pony, but you
don't hear me trying to compare
things to marshmallows. That's
because marshmallows are the
stupidest thing ever.
PONY
These walls aren't marshmallows,
though. I think they just taste
like marshmallow.
BLUE HIGHLIGHTER
That makes them marshmallows in my
book.
PONY
You have a marshmallow book?
BLUE HIGHLIGHTER
You never noticed it before?
The blue highlighter points in the corner, where, sure
enough, there's a big book. The cover says "Blue
Highlighter's Big Book of Marshmallows".
PONY
Oh. Hey. Your marshmallow book.
How did I never see that there
before?
BLUE HIGHLIGHTER
You're a very unperceptive pony.
PONY
It comes with being sad. Sad
ponies never notice anything.
BLUE HIGHLIGHTER
Thank god I'm a happy pony. Being
a sad pony doesn't sound like much
fun.
PONY
Oh no, it's great. I get to eat
all the marshmallow-flavored walls
a pony could ever want.
BLUE HIGHLIGHTER
I want to be a sad pony also.
PONY
Too bad, I was here first.
BLUE HIGHLIGHTER
Being a happy pony is really
depressing. I'm going to go write
about it in my book and then gallop
off into the sunset.
PONY
Are you sure there's a sunset out
there?
BLUE HIGHLIGHTER
I'll find one. Somewhere there's a
sunset. My pony instincts tell me
so.
PONY
Ooh, I want pony instincts too.
BLUE HIGHLIGHTER
I think marshmallows cancel out
pony instincts. You might have had
them at one point, but eating all
those marshmallow walls took care
of that.
PONY
This is a hard, hard life.
FADE TO BLACK.