Personal Arctic Blast 5000
Introducing the Personal Arctic Blast (PAB) 5000! Never be too warm again!
Have you ever been somewhere and found that you’re just too warm? Maybe even too hot? Well, those days are over, thanks to space age technology that’s been approved by the Space Age Air Conditioning Technology Approval Consortium (SAACTAC).
The PAB 5000 is a convenient, portable air conditioning and cooling system that you can carry with you at all times. It even features an optional rechargable battery pack!
Please read this list of features that you might find on a Personal Arctic Blast 5000, and understand them well, sir:
- Weighs only 70 pounds!
- Optional rechargable battery pack only adds 25 pounds of weight!
- PAB 5000 is small and portable, measuring 2 feet by 1 foot by 1 foot.
- Runs on standard 110V AC power.
- Optional battery pack provides 5 uninterrupted minutes of cooling power.
- Cooling strength rated at 8 coolerometers.
- Environmentally friendly! (“Environmentally friendly” description is only applicable when unit is not turned on. Turning unit on is not recommended, and may be illegal in most countries. Seller assumes no responsibility for any laws that may be broken due to use of the PAB 5000)
- Fashionable! Shiny steel case looks great with any outfit.
- Optional thermal compound available (only $29.95!). Spread the thermal compound all over your body, and attach one or more PAB 5000s directly to yourself. This will allow for better heat transfer and better cooling. (Note: Thermal compound may be hazardous. Do not eat. If PAB 5000 compound comes in contact with human skin, call our support number as soon as possible.)
- Free shipping is available for $45 to most states. Offer not valid in AK, IL, MO, NV, WY. An additional handling fee of $400 applies to most orders. Please see fine print for details. Fine print is available by sending a check or money order for $29.95.
Quantities are limited. Order now!