Gene’s Car Keys
It’s a movie script, Gene’s Car Keys
FADE IN:
EXT. SAVE-MART PARKING LOT - DAY
Yes, it's good old Save-MART. It has the big SAVE-MART
sign on the front, and those famous doors, also on the front,
but underneath where the sign is. There are four doors,
organized from left to right in the front wall of the Save
MART building. The doors allow people to both enter and exit
the Save-MART building. While there are other entrances and
exits in the rear of the building, they cannot be seen, and
therefore won't be described. The doors are mostly glass,
and a transparent type of glass at that. You can see right
through them, into the store itself. But it's kind of dark
in there, and we're far enough away, that there aren't many
things to see in there. Good thing, because these
descriptions are getting pretty stupid.
In front of the building are parking spaces, since it is a
parking lot for Save-MART. Most of the parking spaces have
cars parked in them, but there are a few spaces that do not.
Of the spaces without cars, approximately half of them could
accommodate a car. The other half are bottomless pits, and
any car that was driven onto it would plummet to an uncertain
death.
This is soon demonstrated as a BRIGHT GREEN SUV drives into a
parking space without paying attention. It falls out of
sight.
GENE, the 102 year old assistant manager, walks out of Save
MART just in time to see the SUV disappear. He's dressed in
his Save-MART uniform.
He glances down the parking space pit as he walks past, but
doesn't slow down.
GENE
(towards the bottomless
pit)
You really need to watch where you
park... Don't ya think?
He continues on to his car, a BRIGHT GREEN SUV, and gets in,
mumbling to himself about parking spaces and SUV drivers.
GENE
Anyone here have my car keys?
Nobody says anything for a while, until--
GENE'S THUMB
Hey, yeah, I think I got 'em.
Gene's thumb checks his pockets, and, with a complete lack of
surprise, finds Gene's keys there.
GENE'S THUMB
What you know, car keys in my
pocket. Hello car keys, please to
be used for driving now.
GENE
Yeah, that's good with the car
keys. I take and drive and use
them for their driving use. We'll
make sure they do their thing, you
know? The thing with the driving.
GENE'S THUMB
I know. The thing. Good times.
Gene puts the keys in the ignition and turns. In the
background we see the Save-MART building deflate, but Gene
doesn't notice. Other people in the parking lot do notice,
and begin to be a little panicked. Nothing happens in the
car.
GENE
Well that's some weird stuff right
here. The keys that do the driving
aren't doing their thing.
GENE'S THUMB
Yeah. I saw. Good times.
GENE
These aren't no good times, thumb!
GENE'S THUMB
Oh yeah, good times. I know what
you mean.
GENE
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
That's what I'm talking about, you
know?
GENE'S THUMB
The good times with the car keys.
(beat)
Why aren't we driving now?
GENE
I don't think I did the keys right.
They should make the driving
happen, but we're doing less of the
driving than you'd think.
GENE'S THUMB
Well get to it! Yeah. Good times.
Gene tries turning the ignition again. This time the clouds
instantly become dense grey thunderclouds. The other people
in the parking lot that had gone to investigate the deflated
Save-MART now start running in panic to their cars to get
away. A few fall into parking spaces.
Still nothing happens to Gene's car.
GENE
Man!
GENE'S THUMB
Man! That's some bad keying.
GENE
I think I'm out of practice. I
need another one of them car key
classes, I think.
GENE'S THUMB
Let's go take some of those!
GENE
Yeah, we go now do that take
classes we do.
Gene tries to drive off to his car key class, but the car
still hasn't started and he's not going anywhere. Still a
lot of panic outside his car.
A few seconds pass.
GENE
This is great, driving. Nothing
beats driving in my car with my
keys.
GENE'S THUMB
I don't know if you're doing it
right.
GENE
No, I'm the best driver. I know
how to drive.
Don't call me a carrot! Look, see,
not hitting anyone.
Just then a panicking person runs straight into the front of
Gene's car and lands on the windshield.
GENE'S THUMB
I think you hit someone.
GENE
That's a bird, that doesn't count.
(louder)
Go away bird! I'm driving here!
Get back into the sky where you
should be, bird! Birds are sky
things!
Gene tries turning on the windshield wipers, but they don't
do anything with the car turned off.
GENE
Crazy birds!
Gene gets his magic pointy stick that can go through glass
and sticks it through the windshield, poking the person on
his windshield with it. The person gradually floats away
from the force of the poking.
GENE
There we go, that's a bird that
knows where he belongs. Upstairs
somewhere.
GENE'S THUMB
You know your birds, man. Good
driving!
FADE TO BLACK.