I weighed 48 pounds when I was born. Seriously. I see you laughing over there at your computer, and I see you (the other you, not the same one as the first one) not laughing or changing your expression at all, but your brainwaves say that you don’t believe me.

Well, fine, you can all not believe me if you want, but it’s true. I was short (only seven inches long) but weighed 48 pounds and 3 ounces. I broke the first car seat that my parents tried to use.

I was, in three different senses of the words, a Heavy Baby.

Luckily I’ve outgrown that baby fat (and a fair amount of baby muscle, to be honest). Now that I’m 25, I clock in at a svelte 12 pounds and 8 ounces. I have grown to over 56 inches tall, and hope to play for the NBA in the coming years.

If you’d like to sponsor my NBA dreams, please send me hundred dollar bills. Thanks.

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