Did you ever wonder why dogs and cats pretend not to like each other? I wonder about that almost every single day. And all that wondering has payed off in the form of deep insights into the dog/cat conspiracy.

Please don’t let any dogs, cats, or iguanas see this post. Doing so may put your life in danger.

Here’s the way it works:

The cats have a vast underground network of tunnels that they constructed during the 1930′s. These are tiny tunnels that a cat-sized non-cat wouldn’t be able to fit through. Because of a cats natural squishability, the tunnels are useful only to them and smaller animals that are easy prey for them.

The main communications system between the tunnel-dwellers and the outside world is through messages encoded on microchips and embedded in standard bones. The dogs will bury these bones at precise drop locations. The cats retrieve the bones from the drop spot, read the encrypted message from the bone’s memory chip, and encode their own message onto the bone in response. When they have replaced the bone in the ground above their tunnel, the dog will casually dig it back up and receive the message.

Obviously this would all seem a little too suspicious if we thought dogs and cats had any chance of collaborating together towards planetary domination. Only by tricking the world into thinking that they are mortal enemies are they able to defeat us, their true mortal enemies.

I know many of you will find this hard to believe, but that’s the unfortunate nature of conspiracy theories. They show you the obvious truth in an unflinching manner that some of you simply aren’t ready to deal with.

I’d advise you not to confront your “pet” cat or dog with this. You might not survive the confrontation.

Be safe out there.

This entry was posted on Thursday, January 26th, 2006 at 11:10 am and is filed under Conspiracy Theories. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.