Uneducated He Sounds
Have any of you ever noticed the way Yoda speaks? It’s not quite right. I don’t know if anyone else has ever noticed this, since I’ve never heard anyone comment on it, but he seems to keep putting the wrong words in the wrong places. Or maybe they are truly the right words, and they just sound wrong because they are in the wrong places. Or maybe they are the right words in the right places at the wrong time.
But the point is, he talks funny. You know, like, “Funny I speak.” Or, “Pass the Guinness, you will.” Now, he’s hundreds of years old. Hasn’t he realized that he talks strange yet? You’d think that someone as wise as Yoda would recognize that he speaks very differently than everyone else around him. Does he have some very specific retardation that prevents him from realizing that? Is he some kind of high-functioning savant?
But even if he is, why doesn’t anyone else try to teach him how to speak correctly? Don’t they care how he looks? Right now Yoda sounds like an idiot whenever he says anything, and anyone who’s meeting him for the first time is bound to think he’s a moron. Why don’t all his Jedi friends take the time to teach him proper English? Obi Wan Kenobi seems to have mastered the English language, even if he does have a strange accent. Can’t he help out?
It just seems rude. If a friend of yours had a carrot stuck in his nostril, you’d tell him, right? Sure, you’d all laugh at him at first, and probably call him Carrotnose for the rest of his life, but eventually you’d tell him that he had a carrot in his nose and he might want to take it out so that he didn’t look like an idiot in front of everyone else.
It’s the same thing with Yoda. Why don’t the Jedi take his speech carrot out of his nose and teach him to sound like someone who spent more than 4 hours learning English?
It’s all very disturbing. You have to wonder if the Jedi are really a little sadistic and are getting off on Yoda’s misspeaks. Maybe they’re all laughing at him behind his back. Maybe they’re even laughing at him in front of his back, figuring that anybody who speaks like that won’t notice anyway. I know we did that with Carrotnose, and sure enough, he never noticed. And it wasn’t that the carrot was obstructing his vision or anything, since it was pointed downwards. He did nearly starve to death because he had trouble getting food into his mouth with that carrot in front of it, but eventually we told him and he lived happily ever after.
But let’s turn our attention back to the odd-speaking Yoda and the sadistic Jedi that won’t help him out. All I’m saying is that there’s more going on in that Jedi clique than meets the eye. I think there were some disturbed and antisocial tendencies there.
Look for more in my upcoming book, “Why Luke Skywalker Became a Cutter.”