Unbalanced Skittles
I had a bag of Skittles the other day. I bet they weren’t expecting me to look at them as closely as I did, though. Let me break it down for you:
- Red: 10
- Green: 6
- Purple: 1!!
- Blue: 8
- Lilac: 0
- Burnt Sienna: 6
Does that seem fair and equitable? Does that seem like we got our money’s worth? No! Of course not!
Everyone I’ve complained about this to so far has attributed it to the general randomness of life, with a smattering of chaos theory thrown in here and there. But I don’t buy that. I think it’s all a conspiracy theory to keep us working class Skittles eaters down. The Skittles “Man” doesn’t want us to become brilliant by eating the lilac Skittles, because we’d be too much of a threat to their precious power structure.
Well, let’s see how you react to this information being put out here on this here electronic thingy for everyone to see! Huh? How do you like it now, Mr. Skittles Man? Bet it burns. Bet it stings. Bet it makes your teeth grow to an uncomfortable size while your toothbrush stays the same size. Yeah, know you know what it’s like for those of us who live our whole lives this way.
Please join me in painting all Skittles to be lilac-colored. That’s the only way we can show them, by hitting them where it hurts. No, not their hideously oversized teeth. I’m talking about their food coloring budget. Yeah, you heard me. I’m keeping it real, yo.