My science fair experiment: Can a large plate of cookies become sentient and take over the world?

Hypothesis: A sufficiently large plate of cookies will become intelligent and self-aware, and if left unencumbered will eventually achieve global domination.

Experimental Procedure:

First I used a normal-sized plate that was 10 inches in diameter. I purchased many large cookies from Safeway, and several bags of smaller Chips Ahoy brand cookies. I was able to fit 15 large cookies and 23 smaller cookies on this plate. I set up a webcam and time lapse camera to monitor the plate’s progress. After one week, there was no evidence of intelligence.

Next I obtained a large plate that is commonly used at catered events. This plate measured 26 inches in diameter. I was able to place 85 large cookies and 60 small cookies on this plate. After one week, I observed that the cookies had built primitive tools and appeared to be searching for food. However, they never progressed any further, so I’m hesitant to call this “intelligent life.”

I then constructed a special-purpose plate solely for this experiment. This plate measured in at just over five feet in diameter. As my friend Bobby said, “oh my God dude, that’s like a ginormous plate!”

Sadly, my notes containing precise counts of how many cookies were placed on this plate was lost during the ensuing chaos. One of the biggest lessons learned during this experiment is to keep backup copies of the raw data, preferably at a remote location where they cannot be destroyed by a rampaging plate of cookies.

I don’t think I need to go into much detail about what happened next, as you have all witnessed the destruction and devastation first hand. The local newspapers and media have given far more exact accounts of the actions the plate of cookies took than I could hope to give.

All I will say for myself is that I had no idea it would get this out of hand. I throw myself on the public’s mercy, and promise never to conduct such dangerous experiments in the future. I’m thinking that my next science fair project will be a model of a volcano that “erupts” reddish lava through the clever use of baking soda and vinegar. If nothing else, it will prevent that baking soda from ever being used to make cookies.

Conclusion

I want to go to my room now.

This entry was posted on Thursday, March 16th, 2006 at 5:21 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.