Gravy. Now.
I’m fed up. When is the government going to step up and actually be proactive about things, instead of lamely reacting to the latest threat or emergency?
Take Thanksgiving. I know it’s March, and I’m sure that nobody in the government is thinking about Thanksgiving yet. But that’s my point. Why not start planning for Thanksgiving right now? There are some big improvements they could bring to Thanksgiving, but they’ll take time to implement. They need to get started ASAP if they’re going to be done by November.
The big one that I keep hoping for, of course, are the gravy pipes. Why can’t the government run pipes to every house in the country, deliverying hot, delicious, homemade gravy? Why do they force us to live like backwards, uncivilized Canadians, disgracefully making gravy ourselves in our homes?
Do they not want us to have the convenience of turning on the faucet and being treated to a tasty stream of gravy? Is there some anti-gravy lobby that’s exerting far more power than they should be, and keeping advances like these out of our hands? What’s wrong with our government that they listen to the lobbyists and powerful corporations more often than they listen to their gravy-craving citizens?
It’s time we stood up to the government and showed them our power. United we stand, divided we don’t have any gravy. Make your voices heard, people! Don’t let your childrens’ turkeys and mashed potatoes go naked and dry. If they don’t do it this year, what will make them do it next year? Or the year after that? Do you really want your children to live in a world where it’s the year 2075, and America is the laughing stock of the whole world because we don’t have hot and cold running gravy in our homes? If you think about it, you know it’s bound to happen.
Make a stand. Sing protest songs. Carry signs. Even better, carry signs made out of mashed potatoes. The lack of gravy on your mashed potato signs will shock and awe the politicians into taking action. If it doesn’t, then their hearts are cold and gravyless, and they should not be running this country.
Who’s with me?