I have a business proposition for anyone out there who has money to invest. Even if you don’t have money for investments, I’ll still take your money and put it towards my business plan.

It’s simple, yet ingenious. Obvious, yet undiscovered. Delicious, yet free of government intervention.

Haggle-free hamburgers. A way to visit a store, buy one or more hamburgers, and not be expected to haggle over the price. Sure, you can buy a burger without haggling right now if you really want, but you’re going to get ripped off. The posted prices are that high because they expect you to haggle, and if you don’t counteroffer you’re going to pay far too much for your burger.

My vision, however, involves a low fixed price for hamburgers. You see the price posted, and you pay that one low price. Nobody haggles, and everyone pays the same regardless of negotiation skills.

This bold new burger vision leads to many advantages for all involved:

1. Quicker transactions. For the consumer, this means quicker food. For me, it means more burger transactions per hour.
2. Equality. Why should the best negotiators pay less for their hamburgers? Under this plan every consumer would pay the same price for the same burger. Karl Marx would be so proud. No, wait. He’d want the poorer customers to pay less. We’re not going to do that. I guess we’re not Marxist burgermongers. I’m sure somewhere there’s someone who set forth an everyone-pays-the-same-price economic theory. Whoever they are, wherever they are, I know they’d be proud of us.
3. Add-on options. There’s no reason to stop at selling a hamburger. The fixed price format allows us to offer many condiments and burger accessories at their own prices. Want pickles? Add 10 cents. Want lettuce? Add $4.95. Want the hamburger buns to be made out of solid gold? Add $5,450. You get the idea. The possibilities are endless.
4. Eliminate the black market. The black market in hamburgers is one of the county’s biggest problems. It leads to increased crime and violence, and many hungry people are too scared of the criminal element to even try ordering a hamburger. By bringing order and consistency to the hamburger-buying process, we’ll greatly reduce (and, hopefully, completely eliminate) the black market in burgers, leading to a much safer burger-buying experience for eaters and vendors alike.

This concludes my business proposal. If you are interested in investing, please drop me a line. If you want to take my idea without my permission and become insanely rich without giving me any, then please be prepared to be lawsuited. The choice is yours. The question you have to ask yourself is, are you feeling lucky today? Well? Are you?

This entry was posted on Thursday, March 30th, 2006 at 4:19 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.