2005 Predictions
This is the time of year when darksoup.com likes to look back at our predictions for the past year and see how we did. And when I say “we,” I mean “I,” since there’s only me. My use of the word “we” is only a lie, one that I hope will never be uncovered. Don’t look under that lie covering, there’s nothing interesting to see under it.
With those administrative details out of the way, let’s proceed to evaluating our predictions for 2005:
Prediction: A new and fascinating web site called “darksoup.com” will be launched onto the Internet.
Result: We were pretty close on this one. It was launched, but it’s hardly fascinating. Also, that’s not the name of the site, it’s only the domain name. Still, we have to admit that it was a remarkably close prediction. We would pay ourselves millions of dollars for future predictions based solely on the strength of that first one.
Prediction: The great Chicago fire of 2005 would burn for many months and eventually engulf the entire midwest United States.
Result: This did not happen exactly as written, but there were many small fires in Chicago last year. The judges say that counts. That’s 2 for 2 so far.
Prediction: Cats will gain the power of speech, and speak to the world. Unfortunately, they will have a very strong Cockney accent, and nobody will be able to understand what they’re trying to say.
Result: Our sources inform us that this happened just outside of Berlin in October. Looking back at our notes, we were unsure of whether catspeak would be somewhere around Berlin, around the whole world, or just one cat outside Angelina Jolie’s house. Hindsight being as neat as it is, we see now that we chose the wrong location.
Despite this, we still argue that our prediction was close enough to be counted as a win. Of all the psychics who predicted talking cats in 2005, we were the only ones who even considered it taking place near Berlin, let alone with a thick Cockney accent.
Prediction: Now that grunge has faded from memory, Seattle too will fade from people’s memories. Once that happens, it will cease to exist, as it was only a figment of the imagination to begin with. Any vital communications or corporations located in Seattle will be instantly transported to Antarctica, where they can continue their work without delay.
Result: Have you heard anything about Seattle lately? I didn’t think so. Obviously they have been completely removed from the country.
I think we can rest our case here. Sure, we could go into the one about the poisoned cigars that inflicted chicken pox on an entire town, or the endless strings of lottery numbers that we got right, but I think we’ve made our point. We are the best prognosticators and predictors that anyone has ever seen.
Stay tuned for our 2006 prediction recap in 10-12 months.