Yakburger Time
I think it’s time. I think America is ready. Ready for what? I thought you might ask that, you’re constantly questioning everything I say. I hate that. But I’ll tell you anyway, for the benefit of the rest of the class that was sitting quietly and silently. Look at how silent they are! Hear how still they are! Some people would think that they are all dead! That’s the kind of student you should be, too. It’s not too late, you know. You can still change. But you have to want to change.
Back to what America might finally be ready for: Yakburgers. If you cheated and read the title at the top first, you might have already figured that part out. Well aren’t you just a little miss brainy pants. I bet you’re always sitting there in your chair figuring stuff out. Don’t you know how that infuriates the rest of the class? Nobody likes a show-off. Or a know-it-all. Or a brainiac. These are the three most hated character traits that anyone could ever have. I have half a mind to expel you on the spot for skipping ahead and reading the title like that before I told the class to do so.
We’ll see. I guess I’ll let you stay for now, but consider this your first warning.
For the rest of you, I’m talking about yakburgers. Remember the last time you were looking at a flock of yak soaring gracefully through the sky, and you started drooling at the thought of hopping in a hot air balloon and taking a huge bite out of one of the yaks? These yakburgers capitalize and profit off of that innate human desire to gnaw on a yak.
The big difference here is convenience. The yaks are killed, shaped into patties, and grilled for you. Sure, there isn’t the thrill of wondering if the yak is going to turn around and return the favor after you take a bite out of it, so it’s not quite the same experience. You also don’t have the thrill of the hunt. We readily admit these shortcomings. But the added convenience and lack of airsickness more than make up for it, in our opinion.
The most important part however, that distinctive yak flavor, is there in full force, and we believe that’s what counts the most. You may also be interested in checking out our hickory-smoked yakburgers with cheddar cheese and bear bacon for the ultimate yak-based flavor experience.
I think America is ready for that. Stop by and ask for your yakburger today. Demand that your city council pass a mandate requiring at least one yakburger shop for every square mile of available real estate. Don’t make me turn this yak van around and let Romania have the first taste of freedom. The freedom to eat yakburgers, that is. Shouldn’t that be America’s birthright, to have the first bite of freedom?
On a partially off-topic tangent, did you know that scientists have determined that yakburgers are the second-closest flavor to the flavor of freedom? Number one is still a closely guarded secret, but rumors are that it’s Martha Johnson (of Columbus, OH)’s tuna casserole. Mmm, taste that freedom!