Mug or Mutation?
Nobody leaves nuclear waste island empty-handed. Everyone at least takes some uniquely mutated DNA strands with them, if not a decorative mug. There are some pros and cons to each potential souvenir, of course.
Altering your genetic code is free, as a side effect of visiting nuclear waste island (NWI, not to be confused with the classic rap group NWA. We’re completely different). The mug, on the other hand, costs $12.95. Advantage: mutated DNA.
Your mutated genes are unique to you. No other visitor to NWI will leave with the exact same gene mutations as you. The mug is mass produced in Taiwan by young skilled craftsmen and craftswomen. Advantage: mutated DNA, unless you’re a mindless sheep and are uncomfortable owning something unique that makes you stand out from the crowd (e.g., by glowing in the dark more brightly than the conformist automatons around you.)
The DNA mutations do have the possibility of making you sterile, or sometimes causing radiation poisoning and death. The mug, especially now that the lead content is practically zero, has no known side effects. Advantage: mug, unless you were hoping to become sterile one day anyway because of your intense hatred of children.
The nuclear waste that the island is made from is produced domestically, and is imported from the Calvert Cliffs Nuclear Power Plant reactors and nuclear waste dump in Lusby, MD. The mugs are imported from Taiwan, or sometimes China, depending on the season. Advantage: nuclear waste island, for supporting American workers. Unless you have a grudge against Maryland and hope to one day see their state drift off into the Atlantic Ocean. In that case you may prefer the mug.
In some ways, the DNA mutations are more common, since everyone who visits the island takes some with them. Not everyone buys the mug, so it’s a rarer souvenir among NWI visitors. On the other hand, it’s possible for people to put their mugs up on eBay or sell them at a garage sale. So the DNA is non-transferable, and therefore a more valuable souvenir. Advantage: neither. This one’s a draw.
The mug is very visible and easy to show off with your vacation photos. The DNA mutations are more difficult to show off, unless you’re lucky with the type of mutation you receive and wind up with a third thumb, or a tail, or maybe a small patch of mushrooms growing out of your scalp. Advantage: mug, usually.
I hope this makes it easier for you to choose your souvenir. I know so many people who’ve unintentionally spent years on nuclear waste island, simply because they couldn’t make up their minds about whether they wanted to leave with just some nifty mutated DNA, or if they wanted the mug as well. Hopefully this write-up will help you make up your mind before you arrive.
That’s especially important because the radiation you are exposed to and the genetic mutations that you experience generally have the side effect of weakening your mental acuity, which means the longer you stay trying to decide which souvenir you want, the worse your brain gets at making those kinds of decisions.
The best course of action is to make the decision before you arrive. Hopefully this will let you make a fully informed and wise decision.
Good luck, and I hope your vacation to our island is a pleasant one.