Go Team!
Thank you everyone! It was because of you and your participation that we were able to make this weekend such a success.
I understand that we ran out of Doritos on Saturday, and the deep-fried gelatinous mass wasn’t the big hit that Chef Herb was hoping, but you guys stuck by us nonetheless.
And when Team Schroeder came by with the cheeseburgers and fries, you guys held your ground and didn’t defect. Except for Joe, but we all saw what happened to him, so I don’t think we need to count him. Not that we’re in any way condoning using the deep fryer in that way. We’re very ashamed of all of you. But he did have it coming. Not that it was right. Way to go keeping him down there, though! I almost thought he’d get away at one point. You all deserve a big round of applause just for that. Still not condoning. Take that, Joe!
But we all really came together Saturday night. We were all starving and naked (stupid Team Cosby and their clothes-stealing gnomes) and none of the pianos that we had tuned at 10:00 were still in tune at 10:30. I’m pretty sure that was an illegal move by someone (I’m looking in your general direction, Team Brando), but we still haven’t been able to find any solid proof. But at that moment we really found our stride and got into a zone and sailed through the Gary Coleman toss with a new world record! I think Gary Coleman said it best when he turned to us near the end of the round and said, “Hey, watch the hair!” The photos really tell the tale in vivid Technicolor that makes me weep with joy.
It might be best if we don’t talk about Sunday too much. The ugliness that we had to deal with after Team Stone lost to us at swan-baiting was one of the lowest points in recent history. I’m proud of a few of you for taking the high road and stealing their alternator so they couldn’t drive off afterwards, and I’m proud of the rest of you for skinning and eating their team captain. Not that we condone such behavior.
But then the final round? Oh my God. I haven’t seen poker that exciting and pro wrestling-esque since late 2004. And the deaf rabid midgets? I still need to figure out which of you trained them like that and give you a warm sandwich, because that was amazing.
And we pulled it off. After all the naysayers and saynayers saying “nay” to our chances (and who asked them, anyway?) we proved them wrong. We’re amazing people.
Congratulations everyone! Now let’s get practicing for the regionals! They’re only two months away, and time flies when you’re in the hospital recovering from swan bites and malnutrition!
On three… One, two, three: Go Team!