My Piratesque Memorial Day
How did I spend my Memorial Day? I’m glad you asked. I thought you never would, but you proved me wrong just now when you did ask. Did I mention how glad I am? I’m very glad you asked.
I spent my Memorial Day sailing the seas on a luxury pirate ship. Pillaging and plundering cruise ships up and down the seven seas. There’s nothing like doing your Memorial Day cookout on the deck of a huge pirate ship. Sure, you get a little tired of dousing all the food in large quantities of rum, but you can’t just say no to the pirates and risk getting thrown overboard. Speaking of which, I kept looking around for a plank that I could walk on, but I didn’t see one. I wonder if that’s an old-fashioned piece of pirate history that modern day pirates have no time for. The world may never know.
And then the pillaging and plundering? Wow, now that was some serious fun. You think fun is getting a big bucket of popcorn, turning off your brain, and watching Michael Bay blow things up? No! Don’t be stupid! Fun is you and your new pirate buddies stealing shrimp and cocktail sauce from every cruise ship that you see.
Sure, there was only that one cruise ship. And they pretended to want to give us free shrimp and cocktail sauce, but we knew they were terrified of us pirates. Their smiles and complimentary dry cleaning service were a poor façade in front of their terrified brains. To let them keep their dignity, we didn’t cut open their heads and show their scared brains to all their friends for them to laugh at, we simply took the shrimp and sailed on our way.
If only we had found a ship transporting tropical parrots and/or eye patches that we could have plundered, we would have really hit the pirate jackpot. Oh well, you can’t win them all.
And that was how I spent my Memorial Day. I hope to do it again one day soon. Thank you for paying attention.