Chicken Soup Roof Leak
I seem to have chicken soup leaking in through my roof.
Don’t ask me how that’s happening, I’ve never been good at explaining stuff like that. I’m not even sure what kind of stuff this is. Did I wind up with a supernatural roof that’s transforming rain water into chicken soup before letting it leak through my ceiling? Or is there a purely scientific explanation, and there’s some odd chemical reaction that’s occurring between the rain and the chemicals used in the roof or shingles that’s yielding chicken soup as one of the products of the reaction?
Do I call a roofer to fix this, or do I call a chef? Does chicken soup imply Jewish, in which case I should ask for a Jewish roofer chef? Is that offensive, to ask potential roofing contractors if they’re Jewish before I hire them to fix this? Can I just call up Jesus Christ and ask him? Being a Jewish carpenter and all-knowing, shouldn’t he be able to fix it for me?
See, many questions are being raised, and nobody’s answering them. Maybe if it ever stops raining, the chicken soup leak will stop as well, and I can ignore it and forget about the problem for a little while. Pretend everything’s fine, that’s usually the best way to handle it. If I forget well enough, maybe I can be surprised once again the next time it rains so heavily. “Chicken soup!?” I’d say. “Why is the roof leaking chicken soup?!”
It’ll be like Christmas in the summer, what with all the surprise that I’ll be enjoying. Except not so much a good surprise. So never mind the Christmas part.