Fireworks Secrets
Do you like fireworks?
Wait, don’t answer that yet.
Ok, now you can go ahead and answer.
Why did I make you wait before you answered? You never know which government or secret society is listening in. All those militantly anti-fireworks groups would be very interested in your answer, let me tell you. But they’re not too swift. Throw in a quick “don’t answer that yet,” the way I did earlier, and they tend to ignore what we talk about for the next few minutes, figuring that they don’t have to be in any rush to continue eavesdropping.
Now don’t you worry. Your fireworks preferences are safe with me. I’ll stick them in this fireworks database and make sure nobody from the government walks off with it in their laptop. Those pesky laptops, I tell you, it’s like they’re made of wood. Secret-soaked wood.
Or maybe magnetic wood that attracts secret information from all over the region and sucks it up into their greedy little paws. Those cute little laptop paws with fur made of social security numbers and skin made of credit reports. It’s the cutest, identity theftest thing you’ve ever seen, really.
But when the mice show up the laptop’s paws can get a little uncontrollable. Chasing here and pouncing there and so on. It’s enough to make you set off fireworks in the corner of the room just to distract the reporters for a few minutes. Not to imply that they’re easily distracted by bright shiny celebrity-like objects. No, they have attention spans that would put the average coked up 15-year-old to shame. Shame!
And now we end our broadcasting day with some flags, completely safe pre-recorded fireworks, and some pop screamo music for the kids.