Snippy Nitwits Are Not Welcome
Can you ever pardon somebody who has been snippy to you or your groceries? I don’t know about you, but I can’t. Those kinds of people tend to progress to insulting your tea kettles and tossing prescription pills of unknown origin at your tuxedo collection. (How was that for a collection of words that could have been pulled randomly out of a hat, but weren’t, I promise.)
They’re all nitwits, really. “Stay away from my tuxedos!” I’m always shouting at them, but the words usually bounce right off their shiny heads just like jelly beans would bounce off their shiny heads.
That reminds me, what do you folks want for dinner? My creamy jelly bean borscht is all the rave in Paris these days; it’s all that anybody can talk about. They don’t talk about it in English, of course, being French types, so I don’t really know what they’re saying, but I assume it’s all good. Why else would they let me hear it?
If you haven’t figured it out already, yes, I’m willing to feed you, kind visitors. Besides the aforementioned borscht, we also have some perfectly boiled sodas. The choice is yours. Unless you are one of the snippy nitwits I was talking about earlier, in which case I will be forced to escort you off the premises and nonverbally threaten endless punishments if you ever set foot on my doormat again.
Yes, I think this will work out nicely. Please proceed to the dining area and prepare for your feast. Menu requests can be left in the comments, and I will do all that I can to fulfill them.