Internal gumdrops? Cisternal jellybeans? That’s a tough choice, but after replaying the different possible outcomes over and over and over in my brain, I think the internal gumdrops are a more soothing choice.

Just thinking about cisternal jellybeans gives me the heebie-jeebies, even worse than the thought of a sprained endoplasmic reticulum. That might be all based on my personal history, though; my cousin sprained her endoplasmic reticulum when she was a little kid and had to miss a whole year of school because of it. Actually, that doesn’t sound so bad. I haven’t been in school in many years, but wouldn’t mind missing a year of it. I was never a big fan of school. Let me get my endoplasmic sprainers and see if I can’t twist that thing into submission.

I might need to get you to do my dishes while I’m missing school because of my sprained whatever-it-was. Will you be available? I can’t pay anything, but you can look at my condition in disgust and revulsion. If you find any gumdrops or jellybeans inside me, I’ll even offer to split them with you. It’s a deal you can’t refuse, really.

I’ll see you next week to begin your tour of duty. This will be fun!

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