Horoscope for August 30th Birthdays
If you were born on August 30, this horoscope is for you. For everyone else, please avert your eyes. Exposure to another person’s horoscope can cause a burning sensation and/or mild cases of leprosy. Please consult a doctor if that occurs. This web site will not be held responsible for any physical harm that comes to you from reading another person’s horoscope. You have been warned.
With that out of the way, let’s get down to business. If you were born on August 30th, your name is most likely Flexiont Billyhook. That’s just what the stars, planets, and genetic dice reveal, there’s nothing you can do about it. Now, there are going to be people born on 8/30 who aren’t named Flexiont Billyhook; I’m not saying that’s impossible, just very unlikely. If you were born on this date and have a different name (or even a variation on Flexiont Billyhook) I’d be very interested in hearing about it in the comments.
You like jewelry and the sweet hues of Sesame Street. You enjoy banging on your cymbals at daybreak to scare the frogs away. Your hardheaded dogma is second only to your hardheaded tapeworm in hardheadiness. You’re a fan of eerie religions and enjoy sitting on the couch and doing research into the creepiest, witchcraftiest, most Republican religions ever developed in the history of mankind.
Some of your friends don’t understand your obsession with Sesame Street. These are not your true friends. A true friend would embrace your muppet fetish unreservedly, and indulge even the most disturbing of your fantasies.
When all is said and done, Mr. or Ms. Billyhook, your life and desires (and name) has already been mostly planned out because of the day on which you were born. I hate to break the bad news that your “free will” has only a minimal impact on how your life will turn out, but that’s what the planets tell me. You can carry on following your pre-prescribed course in life, or you can petition the state to let you legally change your birth date. The choice is yours.