The Case of the Unknown Letter
No, not some long-lost Hardy Boys story. It’s a long-lost Dark Soup story that I will tell you now.
Threescore and seven years ago, I postponed stamping an important letter and delivering it onwards to its destination. Ever since then, the letter has been dominating the sites of my brain pieces. You know, where all the thinking nodes are, in my brain.
For a letter that’s been dominating my thoughts so severely, you’d think I’d remember what it was about. You’d be wrong. I think it might have had something to do with the bagpipes that were obstructing my front door back in my old apartment. You know, one of those “please remove your bagpipes ASAP or I’ll take my Civil War musket to them!” letters that most people get several times a month.
But then I have to think that I wouldn’t want my letter to be lost among all the other musket-threatening anti-bagpipe letters, so I start to think that it might have been about something else. Maybe I was complaining to my doctor about my kneehole. It had recently grown in size, and while it was convenient to store spare change in, it didn’t seem like the kind of thing that I should have in my knee.
Or maybe it was a letter to a handyman television show asking for the best way to preheat a pair of pliers during the winter. You don’t want to actually set them on fire and melt them or burn your whole house down, but you don’t want them to be merely room temperature either, you know? I think the only way to figure out how to handle that would be to write a letter, stamp it, and mail it, and hope to get a reply, so maybe that’s what this letter is all about.
I don’t know. It’s tough to figure out. I still intend to mail it one day, and maybe then I’ll be able to puzzle out the contents based on what happens after someone receives it. It’s like reading, only backwards. I guess that would be “gnidaer.” In that case, I’ll hopefully be gnidaering the letter in the near future. Stay tuned for exciting updates!