Animal House
When choosing a college, it’s always good to ask them about their admission guidelines. Would they let in a duck if it had good enough SAT scores? Would your potential future university give a degree to a pony if it did well enough on the tests?
Many colleges will let in animals and give them degrees, without any regard for the feelings of their human students. I feel that this is just rude. The last time I was taking a test with a camel sitting next to me, I just felt like an idiot. How smart could I be if I was in the same class as a smelly old camel? Not to mention how distracting he or she (they all look the same to me) was while I was trying to study.
Sure, the animals argue back and say “Mooooooooooooooooooooo.” But that’s hardly a good enough reason to let them stick around, in my opinion. Maybe it’s just that the school’s administrators are too worried about animal rights lawsuits against them. Or maybe they just need the money so desperately that they’ll let in any living creature that has enough money to attend.
I saw a fruit fly in the application office the other day. I hope that they have the sense to not admit him, but you never know. On the good side, he’ll surely be dead before the semester is over (from natural causes, not from me — I may be anti-animals in college, but I’m not stupid enough to try to take them out myself).
I think we especially need to stand up to the non-human university students before they team up against us. Cats and dogs, living together and fighting for their right to attend advanced physics classes? I see it happening if we don’t act soon. Animal fraternities and sororities, student groups, etc. It’s all coming in the near future if we don’t fight it now.
Please join me in my struggle. If you support me, let me know in the comments section. Together we can fight this. It’s not too late.