Shipping Charges on a Kiloton of Flowerpots
I placed an order for a kiloton of flowerpots today, and they said that shipping would be $658,112.39! Is that ridiculous or what? I understand that a kiloton is a lot of flowerpots, but I still think I should be able to get free shipping for them, especially considering how much money I’m spending on the flowerpots themselves.
It’s almost enough to make me write an angry e-mail to the customer service department demanding cheaper shipping and a free tombstone or two with my shipment to make up for all of the mental frustration and anguish I’ve been going through as a result of their shipping charge. And if they can also throw in a free driveway hookup for my new flowerpots, that would be even better.
And while I’m asking for free stuff, wouldn’t it be nice if they could give me a mermaid also? I know mermaids love flowerpots, and so there may just be a stray mermaid or two in the shipment — you’d think it would be hard for them to resist such a large concentration of flowerpots. But it’s probably best to explicitly ask for one, just in case I wind up mermaidless through the luck of the draw. Or through the luck of the Irish. I’m not Irish, but I met an Irishman once, and I’m worried that some of his bad luck, especially bad mermaid luck, may have rubbed off on me.
I was considering buying a few extra flowerpots, just so I’d be sure to have enough to put around the Christmas tree, or menorah, or whatever holiday decoration I wind up using this year. I know what you’re thinking, you’re thinking, “isn’t a kiloton of flowerpots guaranteed to give you enough to spare 20 for a Christmas tree?” You’re also thinking, “To the Sierras we go, unshielded from dunces except by our innovative terrapin disguised as a standard civilian, albeit a civilian with earth-wracking heartburn.” But I don’t understand that last thought, so I’ll just address your first one.
No, a kiloton isn’t enough to guarantee it. It’s very likely, but when you’re talking about flowerpots, you really only want to deal with 100% definite guarantees. Better to be flowerpot safe than flowerpot sorry, that’s my motto.