Neutrino Issues with New Muffler
Dear Manufacturer,
My fancy imported Greek mufflers that you so recently sold me — at no small cost to myself in import fees and tariffs and polishing charges — seem to have an unexpected side effect. Every time I use them, I disrupt neutrinos in the surrounding air.
I’m not just talking about your typical neutrino disruption from the occasional air displacement or politician’s tirade. I’m talking about widespread neutrino flavor alteration — 96% of the time to a tau neutrino — whenever I drive my car with your fancy Greek muffler in their vicinity. And then there was the time that the muffler seems to have unintentionally supercharged a nearby iguana, which was a pretty surprising sight. But that was at least unintentionally hilarious, at least to me, and wasn’t mucking around with fermion particles like a crazed mad scientist of a muffler.
Seriously, is my new muffler a mad scientist? How is it able to do these things without getting any kind of dispensation form from the Neutrino Review Board or anything like that? Shouldn’t there be laws? Is Greece more lax on the neutrino-related side effects of their mufflers, and so this imported muffler just isn’t up to strict American standards of neutrino alteration?
I feel like I should be able to return this clearly malfunctioning muffler for a full refund. In addition, I should be compensated for all of the fines I’ve paid for Unapproved Neutrino Flavor Oscillations (currently $422.50, but I may rack up some more penalties for driving to the post office to mail this letter.)
Please write back with your response as soon as possible. Thank you.
P.S. On the plus side, the muffler is very shiny, and all my friends are very jealous of the freshly baked cookie scent that it gives off. For obvious reasons, I haven’t revealed the horrible truth of its neutrino alterations to them.