Sally Has No Marbles
Sally always tries to place telephone calls to marbles. I keep telling her that marbles are unable to pick up phones, but Sally just laughs at my nostrils and calls me “Mr. Nostril.”
Yes, I could fit many marbles inside my nostrils, why do you ask? Did you see the velvet painting of my nostrils in the Smithsonian? They aren’t realistic nostrils, that kind of stuff is no fun for artists. These are impressionistic nostrils that look more like penguin-shaped scarecrows trying to fight off a rush of Christmas shopping-obsessed consumers.
Why don’t they set up scarecrows at the malls to scare off the shoppers? The scarecrows don’t even have to look like penguins for this to work, they could just be your ordinary everyday run-of-the-mill Wizard of Oz-esque scarecrows. All of the crow-like shoppers would see them, get scared, and run away, leaving the malls empty for those of us who aren’t crows but who are still interested in purchasing goods at the mall.
I thought of getting Sally some marbles so she could talk to them directly without constantly trying to phone them up, but I didn’t get very far. Mostly because the mall I wanted to use didn’t have a single scarecrow, so it was far too crowded for anyone to get anywhere without getting bogged down in a deep swamp of mindless shopping zombies.
So instead of buying marbles, I just went down the street and watched the dolphin show at the bookstore. At least I think it was a dolphin show. It involved a lot of books and some unusual fonts that I had never seen before, which is pretty much what my definition of “dolphin” is. But then the person standing next to me seemed really confused when I was pointing out my favorite dolphins, and seemed to be speaking words that made it seem like there weren’t really any dolphins involved at all. So I’m not completely sure what was going on there. Bookstores are confusing to me.
That leaves Sally with no marbles available in person, only over the phone. That’s just the way life goes, I guess. One day you don’t have marbles, and the next day you still don’t have any marbles.