Lettuce Punting Beverages
I’ve decided to take up lettuce punting as my new hobby. I’m not hoping to get lots of free hugs out of it, although that would be a nice side benefit. You know, all those people who would be walking down the sidewalk, seeing me punting lettuce in the park, and therefore feel compelled to hug me. I’ve never understood it, but maybe there are brilliant physicists somewhere who can explain it to me over a cup of tea one day.
I don’t like tea, though, so maybe that’s not the best plan I’ve ever had.
But you can’t really go wrong with lettuce punting, no matter what beverages you like. Well, unless you like eggnog, of course. I’ve never tried mixing lettuce sports with eggnog, but I can’t imagine that it would go over well with the local police. I don’t think there are any specific laws about it, but it’s just common sense that it wouldn’t be an acceptable thing to do, and law enforcement would be forced to put an end to it.
After else, how else will they toughen up the lettuce punters of the world? Eggnog? Come on, that’s the most bird-like beverage talk I’ve ever heard out of you. I feel embarrassed to even admit that I know you — you and your eggnog.
Now if you put some grilled cheese and gunpowder in a blender and mix that into the eggnog, then you’d have an acceptable lettuce punting drink. That should be obvious, but every now and then someone will read something I wrote and ask me a question where the answer should be totally obvious — something like “Is it ok to drink eggnog if I add in grilled cheese and gunpowder?” or “Will gnats improve my posture so I’m allowed into the vicarage?” — so I figure it can’t hurt to state the obvious, just in case. I’d rather write the blindingly obvious here than have to write obvious answers in e-mail to confused questioners.