How to Defeat the Aliens and the Sunbeams
I know that the aliens and sunbeams that have taken over the planet are getting on everyone’s nerves, and even the smartest nitwit can’t seem to outwit them. The only bunion in their feet that rises up while the slumberers slumber and has the ability to demolishes their domination of Earth are the godchild that burble up from the river below their palace.
The aliens and the sunbeams try to detect the godchild before it burbles up, but even their most advanced ultrasounds and MRI imaging techniques turn up nothing. And then up from the leagues below comes the godchild, smelling of lilacs and pickles, much like a sandwich of ham, turkey, pickles, lilacs, mustard, and kerosene.
The complete and total surprise by which the godchild surfaces is part of its power. Even today we see the aliens building gigantic electronic lilac detectors and steam engine submarines to explore the depths below us. All powered by sunbeams, rainbows, and fungi, of course. And yet they turn up nothing.
It is time for us to start harnessing the power of the godchildren from the oceans, and rest them in front of the alien palaces like gigantic semicolons on their era of dominance. Much like Hercules wearing a red jacket that’s a little too big for him, the godchildren will disrupt the mummeries and make the aliens’ couches much less comfy than they used to be.
Faced with a palace full of uncomfortable couches, the aliens will have no choice but to pack up their potatoes and their sunbeams and fly away into space, off to find some other planet to conquer, all the while cursing Earth’s godchildren the way a centaur spits out expletives when it stubs its hoof on a sharp blade of grass.