Personal Ozone Layer
Your own personal ozone layer is the kind of thing that only nobility and the wealthy would have been able to afford in olden times, but these days even destitute illegal immigrants can have their own personal ozone layer. A 24 volt battery pack required to keep the ozone flowing, keeping your ice icy, your shrimps shrimpy, and your volcanos dormant.
Your personal ozone layer will also help you prevent erosions of your eyebrows and other facial features by the relentless passage of time. Don’t look like some aging monarch — the royalty kind, not the butterfly kind — just because time is passing you by! Your ozone layer helps deflect time waves back into space. That way time passes faster outside of your atmosphere, while you yourself stay young and vibrant.
From sunup to sundown, and even through parts of the night, you’ll be fully protected. We recommend keeping an extra battery or two with you at all times so that you’re never at risk of being without the protection of a fully-formed ozone layer.
Note: It’s probably best not to use aerosol cans directly on your body while you have the ozone layer up and running. And if you have large cows crawling around on you, you might want to take a look at our Cow Fart Control System (CFCS) to keep your ozone layer intact and smelling like burnt roses. The CFCS requires an additional 24 volt battery pack, but if you do have cows on you, it’s the best way to keep everything working smoothly.
If I were you, I’d order one right away. You’ll never know what you’re missing until that day when you first inhale big lungfuls of that pungent ozone arona. Then you’ll wonder how you survived all these years exposed to ultraviolet rays and time waves. That kind of living is for losers! Don’t be a loser!