I don’t understand papyrus. Is it paper? Or is it some sort of parchment? Or is it a small country in some tropical part of the world whose primary export is bananas and whose secondary export is 30′s era gangsters who enjoy bank robbery, running moonshine, and long secluded walks on the beach?

I may never find out the answer, and therefore the world may never find out the answer either. For I am the entity that tells the world everything it knows. Does it know all about snow pillows? Of course, because I know all about snow pillows. You know how Mr. Fight Club narrator knows something because Tyler Durden knows it? It’s the same basic principle, except focused more on pillows and bananas than on mayhem and destruction.

I was thinking of buying a calendar. Upon this calendar I could write things, and schedule my schedulables to such an extent that even the mushrooms outside my window would weep in wonder and amazement at my schedulability. And then I could plan an in-depth investigation into figuring out what papyrus is, once and for all.

I could schedule hours of television watching, carefully keeping an ear out for any mention of papyrus, for day one.

Days two through five would involve driving from town to town, asking random people if they would sell me papyrus, or possibly fly me to visit it. If someone does sell it to me or take me there, I would instantly have a much better understanding of what it is.

And then the world will know. Unless I don’t meet anybody who knows, in which case I might need to commit ritual suicide by cyanide and the spicy papyrus juice that I will pick up on day eleven.

I hope you all look forward to my study. Can someone give me a calendar so I can start? Thank you so much!

This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 21st, 2007 at 5:23 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.