Sanity, Insanity, and the Wrong Straightjackets
I think it’s high time that our politicians start paying attention to the absolute biggest problem facing society today: accidental commitment.
I know that I’m sick and tired of walking into a store, trying to procure standard goods, and being strapped into a straightjacket and shipped off to a mental hospital without any kind of cooling off period or trial by my peers. Is this kind of treatment the kind of thing that our founding fathers had in mind when they did their fatherly founding? Well, obviously we’ll never know the answer to that because they’re all dead and no longer able to form coherent sentences. What kind of crazy person are you for asking a dead person’s opinion? I think you’re the one that should be in the looney bin, Mr. Inquisitionator.
But I’m sure they’d be against it if they still had any brain function at all. All of these unexpected accidental commitments have even driven me to make a shirt that affirms the intact state of my mental health, signed and notarized by me. Unfortunately it doesn’t seem to have any effect. I may have to go so far as to loudly proclaiming my sanity every time I walk into a new location, so that everyone there will know not to straightjacket me and commit me to another stint in the nuthouse. Between the violently loud proclamations and the sanity claims of my shirt, I’ve been able to remain free to walk the streets for several months now.
I don’t want to have to go that far. What kind of society would we be living in if everyone was constantly shouting about how sane they were? Not one that I’d want to drink coffee in, I can tell you that right now. Maybe I should be contacting the Starbucks and soon-to-be Starbucks of the country and get them involved. I don’t think they’d be too happy to see the huge drop in coffee drinking when our society reaches that point. Maybe Starbucks can stage a mild coup and take control of enough of the government to force a change. I don’t expect that to actually happen, but there’s always hope. Come on corporate America, save us from the wrong straightjackets!
But until our corporate overlords see the light of sanity and make progressive changes like that, I’ll just have to keep wearing shirts and shouting. Sorry for ruining your coffee.