Guide to Life
We are please to present you with the darksoup.com guide to life and living and other enlivened things. Please used this knowledge and these guidelines with extreme caution, as a little bit of knowledge is a terrible thing to waste.
Things to Do
Lick that toothpaste. Wrestle with that squid. Pour that soda all over the runway. Dehydrate that journalist who keeps asking you to take down your facade of stockiness and truthfully answer his questions about wild chemistry experiments. Keep your muskrat armory well-stocked and free from scavengers. Try to predict snowfall amounts based on how good your radio reception is.
Things Not to Do
Resist the urge to walk down some random avenue dressed up like a stocky Albanian full of vigor and exotic strains of bacteria living in your body. Don’t do gymnastics when you’re scuba diving. Don’t cremate Martin and his sniveling little dog. Try not to eat truffles on Truffle Day. Don’t pour the antidote down the drain, you never know when it might come in handy. Don’t feed the muskrats.
Places to Go
Saturn.
Things That You Shouldn’t Eat
Fish that reek of peach nectar. Forest gnomes. Lawn darts. Suspicious tourists. Twizzlers more than 15 years old (more than 12 years old if you live in Minnesota.) Ankles. Dairy burgers.