Go sulking off into your silk-lined cavern. That’s right. You can’t handle the unsilky world in which we live in, so don’t even give it a try. Just run off to your cavern and pretend that the silkworms won’t crush you through a sieve the way they do with all of their other alleged “friends” and “allies.”

It happens time and time again, and some people never learn. Silkworms are not to be trusted. Have you seen the silk underwear they sometimes wear? Who could trust any man or insect that wears underwear like that? Maybe an extremely confused creepy crawly little guinea pig could trust a silk wearer, but I’d hope that nobody reading this is a guinea pig. If you are, let it be known here and now that your kind is not welcome here. Cast yourself out to the cold harsh winters far away from here, where not even a hearty cookbook can keep you warm.

Yes, I know that silkworms can be deceiving. They play their harps and gush about their grandkids like any normal grandfatherly insect would do. Do not be fooled! They lack the truthfulness of a real, heartfelt insect. They wouldn’t feel your heart if their very silk depended on it.

I’m hoping to one day make them completely illegal. I don’t know if it’ll work out. I think one of them might win an Oscar this year for his nebbish but melodramatic portrayal of the Czar of Wheat and Silk Grain in 16th century Russia. It would be pretty ironic if an Academy Award wound up saving the silkworm from deportation and an eternally underwater life, wouldn’t it? I’m not sure if there’s any way to prevent it, other than come up with an even more brilliant bit of acting to win the Oscar yourself.

I wish you luck. You’ll need acting lessons, you’re just not that good at it yet. Maybe lose the handbag, I’m not sure if it’s really doing anything for you.

This entry was posted on Friday, April 27th, 2007 at 11:09 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.