Mean Old Ford Pintos
Why are rusted out Ford Pintos always laughing at me behind my back? I don’t just mean some of the time, I literally mean every single second that I’m within eyesight of a Ford Pinto, they’re laughing in the general direction of my back. Now, I’m no mechanic or anything, but that just doesn’t seem right. If nothing else, it’s at least a little bit rude, right?
I don’t know what it is about rusty Pintos that makes them take such delight in making fun of me when I’m out of earshot. Maybe they feel so inferior with their dilapidated engines and non-existent airbags that they have no choice but to put on a facade of bravery and confidence by disparaging the occasional passerby, like me. That’s almost understandable, if not the best reason to be making fun of someone.
But why only me? I’ve asked other people about their experiences with rusty Pintos, and they just don’t understand my question. So far I haven’t been able to find a single person anywhere out there in the entire world who has the same Pinto experiences as I do. I can’t help but feel persecuted by Ford Motor Company and their discontinued cars. Persecuted and betrayed. And other words that I can’t think of right now because the haunting metallic laughter of those damn Pintos never stops echoing in my skull.
Stop it! Stop laughing at me, you weird little car! Don’t make me cover you in heavy linens! That would quiet you down, though, wouldn’t it? I’d like to see you have your little book club meetings and make fudge with your other car friends when you’re all comfy and cozy under my delightful linen blanket!
Wait, no, that’s not the best revenge. I’m not sure what it is, but I’ll figure it out. Until then, Pinto, consider yourself warned. The laughter will not be tolerated forever. I can guarantee you that. (The term “guarantee” is not meant to imply any legally binding guarantee or warranty of revenge.)