Geometry of a Telemarketer
Today we study the geometry of telemarketers.
Open your books and turn to page 81, where you’ll find a life-sized diagram of an actual telemarketer. This telemarketer, who we’ll call Bob, was caught in the mountains of West Virginia with a telemarketing script in one hand and a headset in the other. The trappers who caught him weren’t sure what to make of him at first, and considered throwing him back, but luckily they changed their minds and hauled him back to their camp instead.
And now we get to learn the inner workings of a telemarketer thanks to Bob and those intrepid trappers who caught him in the first place. Thank you, anonymous trappers whose names have been lost to the soiled diaper of history!
Turning our attention to Bob, we see that he is made up of several geometric features. First, his phone number workload that he has tattooed on his left shoulder. This tattoo is an infinitely recursive trapezoid, with a little unicorn below the bottom left corner. Scientists have come up with several theories for the unicorn over the years, but the currently accepted theory — known as the Jefferson Unicorn Conjecture — postulates that a unicorn god is the keeper and fairy godmother of all telemarketers. This unicorn watches over telemarketers from her giant telephone in the sky, ensuring that no call is flustered and no sheep are sheared before their time.
Bob’s left ring finger is missing. It is currently believed to be located somewhere in Lithuania. Researchers are still searching for it, and your textbooks will certainly be updated the very moment that any additional information is discovered.
Now let’s look at the telemarketer’s feet. They are spiky triangles, garnished with blueberries and whipped cream. Does this make any sense? None at all. This is known as the Great Ununified Blueberry Triangle Paradox. Anyone who can solve this paradox will be guaranteed an unforgettable place in telemarketer research history, and will certainly be a top contender for a Nobel Peace Prize.
If you think you have any ideas that would explain a telemarketer’s unusual foot geometry, feel free to leave them in the comments. I guarantee complete privacy and anonymity, and promise that I will not take all the credit and glory for your work if you happen to solve this great mystery.