On hot and muggy days like today, I click on the intercom and shout “Bring me my Communist liquor!”

And then my butler runs up the stairs balancing a fancy chrome-plated tray on one hand, Communist liquor bottles and appropriate glassware carefully arranged on that platter.

That breaks up the monotony and humidity of the day. I drink down many of the liquors as dramatically as I can, the better to impress anyone spying at me from across the street. They will believe me to be a dramatic drinker, which improves my standing among the other homeowners on my block. It separates the dramatic drinkers from the ghostly posers.

I keep on drinking, one mysterious radioactive alcohol after another, until the memory of the humidity is just a ghost hovering in the back of my brain. Then, completely drunk and with a mild case of radiation poisoning, I’ll stumble down the stairs and take a good long look at my toaster, trying to decipher its great mysteries.

“Oh toaster, why are you so mysterious!”

And that’s my day. What else can you do when the air turns humid?

This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 29th, 2007 at 11:04 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.