Kind of Sleepy
Voraciously tired from sleep deprivation, I become groggy and start to hallucinate. Is that a tower of iodide patches outside my window? Oops, no, it’s just a Honda Accord. See, I told you I was hallucinating.
In my grogginess, I decide I’m in no shape to sweep the floors or laminate the cat. These chores will have to wait for another day, after I’ve slept for many years and regained the full use of my fingers and toes. Apparently finger and toe mobility is one of the first things to go when your brain starts to shut down from a lack of sleep. Who knew?
The wide awake part of my brain — wherever it’s been hiding — wants to declare today to be National Get Some Sleep Day. But with this endless stream of neutrinos slamming into my skin, one after another, I can’t concentrate on filling out all of the paperwork that a national day declaration needs. I think it would be easier to just wait for a blizzard to roll through the city and use that as a good excuse to call in sick to work.
And then, lying at home, completely sick (as called), I could finally get some sleep. The cat might have to laminate himself, and the floors might have to be swept by some random hobo that I find on the street, but that’s just the way these things work out sometimes. As my evil twin always says, “Sometimes you eat the cabbage and sometimes the cabbage eats you.”
But for now we’ll have to settle for lettuce, since I’m far too sleepy to catch a cabbage. I know they’re out in my backyard, wandering through my labyrinth, trying desperately to escape and save themselves. You’d think the cabbages would be easy to catch when they’re already stuck in the maze. You’d be wrong; they’re surprisingly nimble and vicious when cornered. I wouldn’t recommend going after them with anything less than your full attentiveness and complete use of all of your fingers and toes.
And so they’ll have to wait. Until after the blizzard, when I’ll finally be a decent match for the cabbages. Then I’ll show them who’s boss.