So I heard someone knocking on my door early this morning. Stumble down the steps, open the door, and there’s nobody out there. Except that now there was a half-eaten apple embedded in the door.

“That’s weird, I don’t remember there being an apple in my door yesterday. And how did someone embed an apple in my door?”

I asked that question out loud, hoping that maybe there was an all-knowing hedgehog just out of sight on my lawn or something, but nobody answered. If there was a hedgehog out there, it wasn’t interested in helping me solve my mysterious door apple.

So I figured I was on my own. I took my razor and shaved all of the apple freckles off of the apple, figuring that I could send them off to a laboratory for analysis. I stuck them in an envelope for safekeeping and stuck that envelope on my fridge — using the power of magnetism — so I wouldn’t lose it. But now I don’t know where my fridge went. And yes, I checked all of my doors, and it’s not embedded in any of them.

I’m not sure what to do next. That’s why I’m writing all of this and putting out in public on the Internet. Maybe someone out there reading this has some good ideas for tracking down my fridge, and thereby refinding my apple freckle envelope.

So, random Internet person: any ideas? Don’t feel like you have to keep them to yourself, just spew them out into the comments box at the bottom of this Internet page and one day I will see what you have written. If it’s helpful in solving the apple door mystery, I will reward you with 10% of what the laboratory sends me back. I don’t know if 10% of their report will be useful or even make any sense, but that’s what you’ll get.

I hope you’re quick to respond with helpfulness. I could sure use some.

Thank you in advance for your cooperation and large donations of cash.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, June 19th, 2007 at 11:55 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.