Godly Plum Wine
And then the clouds cleared; and God picked up His satchel that was filled with His magical plums; and He said to the nations of the world; “Here me, for I will turn these plums into wine, and this wine will defoliate your skin better than any wine before it.”
And the people drank God’s plum wine, and it was good.
And God did leave the recipe on the kitchen counter for others to make it; but they could not, for they did not have His powers and were left with nothing but mushy plums; and the trumpets sounded throughout the cities in sadness and disappointment, for no man could duplicate God’s plum wine.
And then the Lord sheltered his plum garden under a giant canopy, for the plums were being dried out by the hot sun; and He said, “Can’t anybody do anything about this weather? What, do we have some kind of drought here? Can’t a brother get a little rain?”
But the Lordly shelter could not protect the plums, and the local hippies stole his plums and left nothing but moldy shrimp and anorexic dancers; and God was sad, for the shrimp and dancer alcohol that he made was limp and lifeless in flavor; and the people of the world said, “God, this is some crappy wine!”
And God cried out at the heavens and the drought they had given him, and declared October 11th to be Giggling Drought Disarming Day throughout the lands; and it was so, and it was widely approved; and God’s approval rating soared to godly heights; and God was instantly re-elected and moved to Honolulu to take a vacation.
“Let October 13th and October 14th be days of rest, at least in the year of Me, 2007.” And it was made so, and the nations of the world rejoiced, but not too much for they were heeding His demands and resting with all of their might.