Toadstool School is Cool
Hey! Let us all go down to the toadstool village and try getting into their local colleges. It’ll be fun, the same way that building a cookie jar out of styrofoam and dogwood is fun, but with the added bonus of winding up with a degree when you finish. What will your degree be in? Muskrat chiseling? Daisy rumbling measurement and prediction? Limeade syrup taster?
All of these things are possible with a degree from the finest toadstool village colleges and universities. You’ll be able to do anything you want in life with one of these; all doors will be open to you, and tuxedos will be given to you as if they were store brand marshmallows that don’t taste quite as good as the real thing, but which you mostly don’t notice if you put them into smores. Can you imagine living that kind of life? No? Then get out, your kind isn’t wanted here. We only want people with ridiculous levels of imagination ability, and it sounds like you’re just not our type.
Please don’t take it personally. No crying, or else we might just have to forcibly escort you off the premises and stuff you into a smallish trapezoid, where you’ll be forced to spend the rest of your days squeezed into unnatural and greasily awkward geometric shapes. That’s what you get for crying, everybody knows that. Don’t worry, eventually most of your body will go numb due to the extreme contortions, and you won’t even realize that you’re in a trapezoid. If you’re lucky your brain will also disassociate from reality, and you’ll think that you’re floating through the clouds like a light and fluffy marshmallow that will never be eaten, since who would ever use a hot air balloon to go hunting for wild marshmallows?
Billy Trudoneth would, that’s who. Billy is always floating around the skies in his hot air balloon, looking for anything valuable and/or tasty to snag with his gigantic snagging hook-shaped object. If your brain is a marshmallow floating around in his airspace, you’re going to wind up as dinner in the Trudoneth household.
Sorry if that’s disturbing to you, but that’s just the way it is. As far as I know, there’s no escaping his grappling hook, it has the power of a thousand sharpened bubbles, doggedly going after their target until they get it. Really, there’s no escape.
But for the rest of you with better imaginations, we welcome you in the toadstool schools with open arms and a fresh basket of blueberries. Come on in, the learning’s fine!