Dingobats Explained
Dingobats invade from the air. Dingobats drink all of your beer. Dingobats make long distance phone calls after changing your calling plan to something that charges $1.50 a minute, and then receive kickbacks from corrupt long distance phone companies. Dingobats aren’t nice at all.
Dingobats can best be thought of as a hideous combination of dingos, bats, goats, fuzzy dice, snakes, dirty snow, sleepy puppies, and manbearpig. On the other hand, it’s probably better not to think of them at all; you’re probably safer ignoring this paragraph in its entirety. If you have already consumed this paragraph, you should consider calling Poison Control. Unless you’re a manbearpig, in which case you should be able to eat pretty much anything — including this paragraph — without any ill health.
Have you ever lent money to a dingobat? I hope not, because they hardly ever pay you back. You’d think they’d be worried about their credit score, since you could always send a collection agency after them. But no, they have no fear of credit scores. It’s as if their tough outer shell, which appears to be made out of an ultrastrong plastic, protects them from credit concerns. So they’ll just keep taking your money and never paying you back, like an evil deadbeat red beet.
Speaking of red beets, dingobats love to eat them. I personally have planted a decoy field of beets about half a mile up the road from where I live, hoping that the dingobats will be drawn to it and attack the family living there, sparing me and my army of cats from what would have been certain doom.
Speaking of Doom, dingobats love to play it. I personally have set up a decoy field of old computers running Doom about a mile and a half up the road from where I live, hoping that the dingobats will be drawn to it and attack the little old lady living there, sparing me and my army of gnats from what would have been a certain earthquake of dingobats attacking.
Speaking of earthquakes, dingobats are terrified of them. Try to keep a few earthquake generators around at all times in case you need to defend your home from a dingobat attack.
I hope that you now feel better equipped to deal with dingobats, and that you understand them just a little bit more than you did before you read this. If not, don’t tell me; I’d prefer to live in ignorant bliss.