How to Make Cheese
How to make cheese:
Take your fatty gelatins and juggle them for 20 minutes until they’re suitable for composing a new food.
Assemble those fatty gelatins in the shape of random characters from the Garamond font family. After assembly, clean them thoroughly, especially the nooks and crannies of the semicolons. I’d recommend using a spoon to clean them, but an old radial tire might work in a pinch.
Next you need to collect various chemicals that other people have carelessly left lying around your kitchen. Maybe you had some wandering Gods stop by to build typewriters and novelists to use the typewriters, and they left all kinds of scary chemicals behind. Whoever left them, just take the chemicals. They’ll come in handy in the next step.
This is the step where you use the chemicals. Pour them on the gelatins, especially the doughy middle of the gelatin font. You’ll know you’ve chemicalled them enough when they start to resemble polished porcelain more than gelatin. At this point you need to immediately stop before you go to far and turn them into snowflakes or marzipan soldiers or all of those other disturbing things that come after porcelain.
Assuming you stopped in time, you can now put the porcelain gelatin in the fridge overnight to let it set.
The next day you should take it out of the fridge, but make sure to wear a costume when you do; you don’t want it recognizing you from the day before, because it might rise up and take its revenge upon you, which would be painful and bloody. No, keep yourself disguised. If it asks, say that you were somewhere else yesterday, maybe taking a bath in the protozoan bath or something. It’s not too bright at this stage, so it’ll probably believe anything you say. Still, be careful. Its vengeance is swift and brutal.
Put the trusting gelatin into the sink, and tickle it until it becomes wobbly once again.
Then put a cork in it and let it sit for 10-15 years. At this point the cheese molecules will do their thing, scurrying around in there and conking the gelatin on the head, turning it into cheese the way Mario turns turtles into squashed turtles.
And then you have cheese! This is an excellent cheese, suitable for eating on your luxury yacht with all of your rich friends. If you enjoyed the cheese, please tell your rich friends to send me money. Thanks.