The Bees Owe Me Millions of Dollars
When will the bees pay me? Do I need to send a collection agency after their fuzzy yellow and black butts? What’s up with that?
When I first lent money to the bees everyone told me that their credit had merit and they had struggled their way to success after their earlier crimes and frizzy misdemeanors. The bees had even learned some witty jokes that made all the other flying creature go “hee!” and “ha!” and “heehaw!” The bees were little dynamos of energy and joke-telling, and everyone loved them.
So I gave in and lent them $2.7 million.
Now I feel like I’ve been tricked. It’s been over a year, and the bees haven’t paid me back a single cent. I’m not sure what I can do to get my money back. I tried hiring spies and crooks to find out what was going on, but they all accidentally overdosed on cyanide and were never heard from again.
Then I read that The Bees had put out a new album called Octopus earlier this year. So I contacted their record label and manager, figuring that I could get some of my money back through them. But they claimed that these Bees were actually a band of human beings who called themselves The Bees, and were not the small honey-gathering flying guys that I had lent the money to.
That was some devastating news. I played their album and tried to picture them as human being, which was difficult after all those months of listening while picturing them as singing, instrument-playing bees, all performing for a gigantic octopus who greatly approved of their music. And the octopus would surely be paying them large amounts of money (in unmarked bills) in thanks, which had to find its way to me eventually.
But sadly it’s not to be. I saw a picture and they really are human beings. I’m no closer to getting my money than I was before the album was released.
And now that the weather is getting cold, and the winter and snow and Christmas are all encroaching, the bees that I’m looking for are becoming more and more scarce. I don’t know if they’ve hibernated in their hives somewhere or if they’ve moved to Mexico for the winter. Bees are tricky like that, you never know what they’re up to. And now I can’t hear the word “honeydew” without throwing up a little, that’s how badly they’ve affected me.
All I know is, I’m never lending them money ever again. Unless they have a really good story to explain what happened this time, and some funny jokes about audiophile mummies listening to a shofar or something… In that case maybe I’ll reconsider. $2.7 million isn’t enough to hold a grudge forever, you know.
But hey, if you’ve seen those bees around, either tell them I’m looking for them, or drop me a comment below to let me know where I can find them. You beespotters out there are my best hope at recovering my money. Help me!
Tags: none