The Search for Rust
Somewhere between Christmas and New Year’s lies a large pile of geodesic rust. This morning I called in sick to work and set off on a wild adventure to try to find that rust pile. At the end of the day I had something that was not a rust pile, but was more like a faded dinner jacket with undertones of loathing.
How did I get this loathing dinner jacket? Where did the rust pile go to? What is this weird swelling on my skull bone? Will anyone revive me if this dinner jacket strangles me in my sleep?
These are the kinds of questions I ask myself. Please don’t try to answer them for me, because these questions are mine and mine alone. Your questions would be completely different, probably more about phantom legs running around in the night and things that rhyme with bulldozer. I don’t know exactly what your questions are, because they’re none of my business. Just like my questions are none of your business. I don’t know why you keep insisting on interjecting random answers that aren’t even close to accurate.
But anyway, back to my missing pile of geodesic rust. I’m sure that it’s between Christmas and New Year’s, because that’s what the legend says. But then again that legend was something that was included for free with my most recent download of the Netscape web browser, and that might have been nothing but a farewell joke from Netscape.
But I can’t jump to assumptions just because of what people on the Internet tell me. I have to trust that this pile of rust is real, and exists somewhere where I can find it. I have to search every pawn shop and look in every crypt until I find it. Unless some random gym hid the rust pile inside a treadmill. Hmm, I hadn’t considered that possibility.
Ok, I might need your help for this. Take a rust detector to your gym, wave it over the treadmills a few times, and let me know what you find. Or, better yet, let me know if you don’t find anything. If you do find geodesic rust, that discovery is far too valuable to just transmit unencrypted over these Internet wires like that. Better send me a postcard and let me know where to find it. I will be sure to give you a lovely dinner jacket in thanks.