Upcoming Changes For 2008
Changes are afoot here at The Days of Dark Soup. After all, the new year 2008 is almost upon us. The change in numeric year is historically associated with changes in several other important aspects of one’s life, including, but not limited to:
- Changing of your tablecloths
- Painting your lacrosse sticks yellow for a month
- Becoming a temporary Communist, or at least a convinced socialist
- Ceasing to make any mistakes for the first 24 hours of the new year
- Inventing a new form of Rice Krispies
- Transforming yourself into a bat and sucking the blood of handy virgins
In this grand and long-historied tradition, many changes will be made around here as well. I know that rumors have been going around the finer newspapers and magazines of the world over the past few months about what may be happening here, and you all probably have your own ideas and theories.
Let me just take this opportunity to denounce the most incorrect of those rumors:
- This site will not be rewritten in limerick form
- This site will not be burned to the ground in a climactic end-of-year celebration
- This site will not endorse Dick Cheney for the Republican Party presidential nomination
- This site will not fall in love with a pretty little extracted tonsil from the midwest
- This site will not be placed on a tripod for improved support and slower shutter speed photography
- This site will not become a Capricorn
- This site will not be moved from a web server to an advanced abacus
- This site will not legalize gambling, prostitution, or alcohol within the Union
- This site will not transcend all reality to become the all-seeing overseer of the universe
Some of you may be able to figure out the truth of the changes to come based on what rumors I have not refuted above. Some of you may be right in your deductions, and some of you may be wrong. I will not comment further on your rightness or wrongness, but please be sure to understand that you are almost certainly wrong. You’re like a troll cloaked in a cloak of incalculable confusion, who never understands anything that is explained to you. Away with you, you troll, and graze beneath some other Internet place!
But no, really, things may or may not be changing around here for 2008. Probably not, now that I think about how much work it would be to make any changes. Simply continuing the status quo is so much easier and more fun — where fun is defined as “something that’s easy and involves very little work.”
And on that note, a merry new year’s to you all.