Mint Flavored Cadmium Drops
Hey kids! Do you know what your new favorite candy is going to be?
No? Why, then you just haven’t been paying attention to our billions of dollars of Grenadine Bowl ads, or even the title of this post.
I’ll give you a moment to glance back up at the subject line and acquaint yourself with our topic today. Go ahead, really. I promise not to go on until you’re fully up-to-speed on everything.
There, better? I hope you’re now aware that your new favorite candy is going to be Fungal Sideburn Juice! Yummy stuff, and every kid on the block will be drinking fungal sideburn juice, or else they won’t be cool.
Wait, no, that’s our secret project that’s planned for next month. Pretend you didn’t read any of that.
Your new favorite candy is going to be mint-flavored cadmium drops! Yes, it’s the healing and restorative powers of cadmium drops, but without that bitter aftertaste that left so many early cadmium adopters furrowing their brow — not to mention burrowing their frow — in amazement at how bad they tasted.
But that’s a thing of the past; our cadmium drops have a refreshingly strong mint flavor. Not only do they cure you of latency and increase your body’s energy storage capacity, they leave your palate cleansed. Bad breath has been narrowly averted. Your mouth will be so spotless, you could eat off it!
So go searching around your parents’ dresser and use whatever money you find to buy mint flavored cadmium drops! Seagulls will adore you, and headless sunbathers will write novels praising your brilliance at your purchasing decisions! Don’t delay, all the cool kids have already bought some!