Driving With Socks
Some movie scripts are lifeless husks that must have life breathed into them by a God-like director. Not Driving With Socks; this screenplay just radiates energy and life and all of the other good stuff that a perfect script has. This, therefore, is clearly a perfect movie script. I can’t understand why it hasn’t been produced yet, but I’m willing to accept any and all offers.
And now, without further junk from me, the movie script for Driving With Socks. (Or, read the Driving With Socks script as a PDF file.)
INT. CAR - DAY
We find ourselves in a car. Not just any car, but a car from
the late 1990's, complete with AM/FM cassette stereo system
and airbags. The airbags are not visible since the car has
not crashed. GANSK is driving, and TERRYCLOTH HOPPLEBOTTOM
is in the passenger's seat.
TERRYCLOTH HOPPLEBOTTOM
Say, was that our exit that we just
passed?
GANSK
Don't talk crazy talk with your
mouth, Terrycloth Hopplebottom. If
that had been our exit, don't you
think I would have driven the car
onto the exit so that we could have
exited there?
TERRYCLOTH HOPPLEBOTTOM
Your points are valid and well
stated, Gansk. Thank you for
educating me.
We sit in silence for 20 minutes as the two of them continue
driving along the highway. After twenty minutes, the silence
is once again broken.
GANSK
You know, that might have been our
exit back there.
TERRYCLOTH HOPPLEBOTTOM
The one we just passed?
GANSK
No, the one from 25 miles down the
road behind us, when you pointed it
out. That feels like it might have
been the exit that we were supposed
to take.
TERRYCLOTH HOPPLEBOTTOM
I see.
Gansk takes the next exit and gets back on the highway going
the other direction. After another 20 minutes of driving in
silence, they find themselves back at the first exit that
Terrycloth had mentioned.
GANSK
Yeah, this is definitely the right
exit.
I can tell because of all of the
fruit that I can smell around here.
TERRYCLOTH HOPPLEBOTTOM
I noticed that fruit scent. What's
that from?
GANSK
It's from all of the fruit that
they manufacture out here. Makes
the whole town smell like fruit.
TERRYCLOTH HOPPLEBOTTOM
I understand now. Please excuse me
while I unlace my shoes and remove
my socks. I want to hang my socks
out of the car window so they can
absorb some of that fruit scent.
It would be a big improvement in
the olfactory state of my socks.
GANSK
Feel free to do as you stated.
Terrycloth Hopplebottom proceeds to take off his shoes and
socks, just as he said, and puts the socks out the window.
The wind rushing into the socks brings with it the scent of
strawberries and mango, for that was the neighborhood they
were in. The socks' old sulfur smell is in trouble.
EXT. SURFACE OF TERRYCLOTH HOPPLEBOTTOM'S SOCK - CONTINUOUS
We've zoomed in close on the outside of Terrycloth's sock.
Thousands of SULFUR AGENTS are running around on the sock's
fibers, trying to figure out what's going on.
SULFUR AGENT BOB
Hey, what's going on?
SULFUR AGENT JOE
I have no idea, I've never seen
anything like this.
SULFUR AGENT BOB
Do you have any vermouth left?
SULFUR AGENT JOE
No, sorry, I drank it all last
night after Frank's big retirement
party. Did you--
Joe's question is cut off as a bombardment of MANGO PARTICLES
rains down on them
SULFUR AGENT JOE (CONT'D)
Oh my God, look at all those
things!
SULFUR AGENT BOB
What's going on here?
SULFUR AGENT JOE
I think I might have taken too much
LSD this morning. Sorry for that,
my hallucinations usually don't
spread out to the rest of the world
like this. I think it's because I
fractured my sternum, and now my
thoughts bazooka out like things
that come out of a bazooka.
SULFUR AGENT BOB
That's ok, I forgive you.
Unfortunately, Bob's forgiveness is short-lived, as he's soon
squished by a large mango particle. Joe bursts into tears
and cries out to the heavens
SULFUR AGENT JOE
(crying out to the
heavens)
Why God, why?
INT. CAR - CONTINUOUS
GANSK
How are your socks doing?
Terrycloth brings the socks back into the car, holds them up
to his nose, and takes a deep sniff.
TERRYCLOTH HOPPLEBOTTOM
I've smelled better socks, like the
Dockers vintage 1996 socks that
they had back at The Apprising
Schnozzle. But still, these smell
pretty good.
GANSK
Oh wow, The Apprising Schnozzle.
That was a fun place...
INT. THE APPRISING SCHNOZZLE - SEVERAL YEARS AGO
Gansk and Terrycloth Hopplebottom are standing around,
enjoying the place and drinking some drinks.
GANSK
This is a fun place...
INT. CAR - DAY
TERRYCLOTH HOPPLEBOTTOM
Your reminscing reminds me of a
story about a guy who soaked his
socks in absinthe and thought he
was the digging character from Dig
Dug whenever he wore them.
GANSK
I remember that guy, the guy with
the frizzy red hair?
TERRYCLOTH HOPPLEBOTTOM
That's the one.
GANSK
Good story.
TERRYCLOTH HOPPLEBOTTOM
Thanks.
FADE TO BLACK.
Tags: driving, fruit, mango, Movie Scripts, socks